Why Dogs Might Be the Best Relationship Teachers We Have (And What That Means for Your Love Life)
By Heidi Carr, LPC, NCC, CTTP – Renue Counseling
Do you know why I love dogs?
They never lie to you. They’re always excited to see you—even if you’ve only been gone two minutes. They rely on you completely, and yet somehow give you even more love than you could imagine. It’s a mutual give and take that many of us find priceless.
We open ourselves up to heartbreak knowing we’ll most likely outlive them, and still we invite them into our hearts and homes. Because deep down, we know: life feels more complete with them in it.
Isn’t that the kind of relationship we’re all searching for?
A bond built on trust, care, and unconditional love—not on performance, perfection, or fantasy.
But when it comes to humans, something gets more complicated.
We want to feel safe with someone. To know that our presence matters to them—not just what we do or give, but simply who we are.
And yet… many of us are terrified.
I remember in college, a friend once said to me, “I don’t know what to do with a boyfriend. Do you feed it?”
It was a joke—but only kind of. Romantic relationships can be confusing. We’ve absorbed a thousand ideas about what love should look like, and somewhere along the way, we build a fantasy so fragile, it can easily be crushed by the weight of real-life partnership.
Whether you’ve been in a relationship for 2 months, 2 years, or 2 decades, you probably carry some version of that fantasy:
If they could just be more affectionate, then I’d be happy.
If they would stop spending without telling me, we’d be okay.
If they handled stress the way I do, we’d argue less.
Let me be clear: This doesn’t apply to relationships where there is abuse, addiction, or narcissism.
But in healthy relationships, these “if only” statements aren’t about being unreasonable—they’re about unmet needs.
What most couples miss is this:
It’s not that your needs are wrong. It’s that the way we communicate those needs—and the meaning behind them—often gets lost.
That’s why one of my favorite tools to teach couples is the Imago Dialogue.
It’s simple, structured, and incredibly powerful.
The Imago Dialogue: A 3-Step Tool to Help You Feel Heard and Connected
Developed by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, the Imago Dialogue is a technique that helps partners move from reactivity to curiosity, from frustration to connection. It's about slowing down, really listening, and understanding the deeper need underneath the surface complaint.
Here’s how it works:
🧩 Step 1: Mirroring
Your job is to listen—not fix, defend, or interrupt. Just repeat what your partner says, and ask, “Did I get that right?”
Example:
Partner A: “I felt hurt when you made that big purchase without telling me. It made me feel like my opinion didn’t matter.”
Partner B: “So what I hear you saying is that when I made the purchase, you felt hurt and like your opinion didn’t matter. Did I get that right?”
Then Partner B adds:
“Is there more about that?”
This part is crucial. You’re showing your partner that you’re willing to hear it all, not just the part you’re comfortable with.
💛 Step 2: Validation
This doesn’t mean you agree. It means you get where they’re coming from.
Example:
“It makes sense to me that you’d feel that way. If I were in your shoes, I might feel that way too.”
Validation defuses defensiveness. It tells your partner, “You’re not crazy. Your feelings are understandable.”
🌱 Step 3: Empathy
Now, go deeper. Try to feel what they might be feeling underneath the surface.
Example:
“I imagine that felt really lonely or disappointing to you.”
Or: “That probably triggered a fear of being left out or not considered.”
Empathy is the glue. It reconnects you both in a moment where you could have easily drifted apart.
Using the Imago Dialogue consistently can change the entire tone of your relationship. Instead of living in a cycle of blame and defense, you start to create a space of curiosity, compassion, and mutual growth.
The goal isn’t perfection. It’s connection.
Just like your dog doesn't need you to be perfect—just present and loving—your partner needs to know that you're trying to understand, even when it's hard.
Want to Go Deeper?
If you’re tired of feeling misunderstood or stuck in patterns you can’t seem to shift, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to figure it all out on your own.
I work with couples every day who are learning how to rebuild trust, repair communication, and reconnect in meaningful ways.
Let’s talk.
You can reach out to me by scheduling a consult, Heidi Carr, LPC, CTTP, NCC, at www.renuecounseling.com
Together, we can help your relationship feel more like the one you dreamed of—one where love is mutual, honest, and enduring.